Home Again, this time as a Newlywed.

Well, the house is quiet except for my cat who is cleaning herself and seemingly snorting at the same time. I suppose I would too if I had to lick all that fur to make it gleam. In a nutshell, we're back and married.

It was all such a blur.

We arrived Wednesday night, and made baskets for the rooms on Thursday morning. Then we delivered said baskets. It was revealed to me later that some friends of mine thought they were from the Red Apple and that they were not free. Thank goodness they talked to me before they left so they were able to eat their goodies and take their baskets with them.

I know we did more things on Thursday, but for the life of me I can't remember. Oh, yeah - we met with the photographer, had some dinner, found the aunts that were lost in the hills of Arkansas. Thanks to a nice little wreck on the main highway, they decided to detour without the help of TomTom, and they got very very close but at the end, needed a little help getting in.

Friday was more basket stuff, and meeting with the officiant to go over exactly what we wanted in the ceremony. Then we headed out to the dam site where our little cookout was held that evening. We had BBQ sandwiches, potato salad, baked beans, and coleslaw, and of course, three types of dessert - chocolate brownie something, which was great, peach cobbler, which was pretty good, and strawberry shortcake, which has to be the best I've ever had. This was one of the views of the lake:


This is part of Greers Ferry Lake. Awesome. Just awesome. As you can see, the night could not have been any prettier.

Saturday morning, you'd think that there'd be a lot of running around to do, but Wiley's parents and sisters did most of the running around, delivering baskets. They decorated the interior of the reception site with flowers, candy bars with special wrapping on them, our cookie cutters, and rose petals and rocks, and it looked like it was straight out of a magazine. I'll never be able to convey to them in words just how appreciative I am for all they did for us to make this a wonderful weekend. So as they worked their tails off, I had a massage and then took some friends out on the lake. Some friends were very gracious and drove us around in their boat, and we had leftover BBQ sandwiches sans the BBQ sauce. (I guess I was a little preoccupied.) After that, then it was off to get ready for the big show. At 5, my bridesmaid showed up to help me in my dress. Up until that point I was walking around in my slip and strapless bra. At 5:30, the photographer, who had been taking pictures of everything and everyone but me, stopped in to take a few pictures while the finishing touches were added (a little hairspray here, a necklace there). At 6:00, it was show time. But Wiley's sisters, who were to get me, were absent. I started pacing, and the beginning of panic set in. What if they changed the plan and I forgot what it was? Maybe I was supposed to go out there by myself. at 6:03 I sent a text message asking if they were coming to get me. At 6:04 (by my watch), they knocked on the door and out we went. Apparently, at the same time, Wiley was inside looking at his watch, telling his best man, "If they don't get Melinda soon, she's just going to show up on her own." So enter music, and the bridesmaid runs down the aisle. Well, not really, but I let it be up to her how fast she wanted to walk. Apparently marathon-walking is her style. Then her music played for a little bit, and I was given the push to walk forward in view of everyone. Thinking that I was another bridesmaid, the music kept on playing. The room is L-shaped, so half the people could see me standing there, and half could not. The bandleader finally realized that the bride, she is wearing red, and started my song. While I didn't marathon-walk, I probably walked a little faster than I needed to. But hey, I'd been standing in front of half the room for nearly a minute (which really felt like eternity). As I walked by, I smiled, and promptly stepped out of one of my shoes. "There goes my shoe," I whispered to my friend who drove the boat today, and she giggled and I stomped my heel back into my shoe and carried on.

Unfortunately, the groom was backlit, so I was unable to see his reaction to me. I hope the photographer got it, but when I could finally see him, he was all smiles at me.

I know all of you have been DYING to see my dress, so here it is with me in it:


Now, I realize that upon posting this, most of you know what my face looks like, and this would appear to be nothing more than a gratuitous boob shot, but I assure you, that is not the case. I like a little anonymity for those two or three readers who do not know what I look like (or do not remember what I look like).

But, because I'm feeling generous, I will give you a shot of the back of me as well as the buffet table and beautiful floral arrangement:

Look - short hair!!

So we get up to the front, and we have our ceremony, and as we're doing our vows, I start to tear up just a bit, but thankfully was able to keep them from rolling down my face. Messing up makeup was not an option. I'd worked way too long to get those fake eyelashes to look natural.

After we were pronounced husband and wife, the music started. We kept this a surprise from everyone but knew it would be the perfect way to end our ceremony. We played the Peanuts theme song, and it hit exactly the right note. Everyone recognized it and started laughing, which made us laugh, and later, the keyboardist for the band said if he knew, he would've played it for us.

We ran outside to get photos, and missed a few shots that I really had wished to get, but then we got back inside, said hello to everyone, sat down for just a moment, then got back up to cut the cake. I wish I had a picture to show you, but I don't have one just yet. But it was four square layers, one layer each of raspberry, chocolate, red velvet, and carrot. It was perfect. There were compliments on it all night long, with raspberry coming in as a favorite, if not the favorite, as it was the biggest layer and we didn't have much left at the end of the night. After the cutting of cake, a few toasts were said, and then it was time for the first dance. We chose "The Way You Look Tonight", and you'd think I'd be nervous being out there all alone with Wiley, but the man can dance. Sure, he stepped on my dress a couple of times, and I was a little worried, but apparently it looked a little comical because we heard loud laughing from the crowd. Maybe they heard me tell Wiley that he was on my dress. "We didn't practice with you in your dress! I don't know where my feet are supposed to go!" I guess that's the downside to not seeing the bride in her dress before the ceremony. But that puppy wasn't going anywhere. I was in that dress, and nothing was getting out.

We danced and talked with friends and family and shut the reception down a little after 10:30. All in all, it was an absolutely perfect wedding. The decorations were beautiful, the flowers could not have been more like what I wanted (and I really wasn't sure what to expect except that flowers are always beautiful because we'd done most chatting over the internet and had an illness to deal with in-between meeting for the first time in July and the wedding), and I didn't freeze under all that attention.

So thank you, Dear Reader, for reading about the wedding from the bride's perspective, and to all of you who read this and showed up, we are so happy you were able to join us. We know it was a long way to travel, but we can't tell you how much we appreciated seeing all of you. To the best man and matron of honor, you both looked great, as did your spouses, and I appreciate Sewing Momma lacing up my dress. You two kept Wiley and me calm, and I think we each got to bond. Technically I guess I'm related now to the best man! Neato! To Wiley's families, as stated above, we can't possibly show you how much we loved everything that you did for us (but we tried), and to the Mother of the Golden Children, who made all the invitations, notecards, labels for the water and candy bars, programs, who tried to cut rocks, all while dealing with two children under 4 and planning a child's birthday party to happen the next day, and to the sisters who helped decorate and keep the florist's wits about her and to calm a nervous bride just before walking in, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

Tracking.

My dress left its point of origin in Ohio on Thursday. It sat in another part of Ohio until today. Then it showed up in Hodgkins, Indiana. Google Maps said, "WTF? There's no Hodgkins, Indiana." Kinda funny when Google Maps spazzes like that. An hour later, my dress showed up in Hodgkins, Illinois. A half hour ago, it left Hodgkins, Illinois.

Yeah, I'm a little anxious to get this thing...it was only promised to me a month ago! And I'm a bit worried that I've not seen any pictures of it yet, which is not what was supposed to happen.

So, if this doesn't work out, anyone got a spare wedding gown?

UPDATE: Now my dress is in Davenport, Iowa. I do not understand why it keeps going north and west from where I am. Anybody know exactly how this UPS ground shipping works?????

Blowing off steam

Customer service is right out the window. I called a flower shop to see about getting a quote for some flowers for the wedding, and as soon as the woman heard October, she cut me off mid-sentence. "We're working Mother's Day," she snapped, like "Hello stupid, you call a flower shop the day before Mother's Day?" "Call me or come in next week and I'll be happy to talk to you about your wedding, but we're swamped right now and don't have time." You're a flower shop and it's Mother's Day weekend. Busy, why, yes, I understand that. But it's not like Mother's Day is a surprise. And lady, had you just given me a chance to spit out that I only wanted to know about a certain flower and what it was going to cost to get them from you, you could've been done with me in 5 minutes and had a sale. As it stands, you've pissed me off and I'm not going to do business with you. Disagree with me all you want, Dear Reader, but even when you're super busy and stressed, you do not take it out on the customer or make the customer feel like they're infringing on your time. Phrasing is everything. Perhaps say, "Ooh, that sounds wonderful! Tell you what - we are just swamped here today since we've got the holiday tomorrow. Is it possible that I give you a call back tonight if I have a little down-time or perhaps talk to you next week? I can't give you the time or the attention you need right now, and I want to be sure I get all the details." How hard would that have been?

iPod is On

The cats got fed late, so they're going crazy. And earlier today, I went crazy with my iPod. For the wedding, we're doing a half and half thing...I will use songs from my iPod for the seating of the guests and while the guests are eating, and then the band will play after we cut the cake and start dancing...I think. I'm starting to think doing this whole thing with my iPod might be more fun, simply because then I know exactly what songs will be played and how they'll sound. Wiley and I decided that we wanted to waltz for our first song because it's more fun to watch than salsa ("You can move around the dance floor more," Wiley tells me), and when I mentioned that we wanted to waltz to the booking manager/musician, he told me a popular song was "Can I Have This Dance" by Anne Murray. I found the song online and listened for about 30 seconds before I emailed the guy back and nixed it. No country. Too twangy. Hate it. Moving on. I'm now thinking that perhaps "The Way You Look Tonight" by Sinatra might be a fun song...Michael Buble performed a nice rendition of it. I also attempted to organize the songs that will be played while people eat...slower in the beginning, then a little more upbeat near the end to get people in the mood to get up and dance.

After that, I started listening to the songs on my iPod that everyone could dance to, and Justin Timberlake's "Damn Girl" is stuck in my head. It's got a '70s feel to it. I hate to admit it, but the boy's got talent. His FutureSex/LoveSounds CD is really quite good. It gets me in the dancing mood. Something tells me the band won't be able to play this song.

Oh My Gosh It's Been Awhile

It's been ages since I've blogged, but I literally haven't had time. I am back in the States, and to those of you who were dying to see me at the blogger meetup (I know you were, don't tell me otherwise, I won't believe it!), I let you down. Friends planned a dinner for me that night, so while Cara was able to stop in and say hi, I was not. I'm sorry.

So, let's see, where did I leave off? I believe I told you I made it home. Before I left, we spent time in Munich, which was awesome. A lovely city I would be happy to live in or visit again. Amsterdam's airport was nice, but they have bulldogs for security...I suppose that's a good thing, but when you just want to get on the damn plane, getting hauled over to a little desk and being questioned about your trip, about why you're traveling alone, about why you have no supporting documentation for living in another country is the last thing you really want to deal with.

The Memphis airport is pretty big. The last time I used it, I was flying out of the country, and I didn't really notice how big it was; this time, it felt like a very long, straight maze to get to baggage claim. Customs took all of five minutes; then it was waiting for the bags that took forever...about 40 minutes or so. Then there was the line to put it back on the belt so it could go to baggage claim. Then there was the security line. As one guy put it, "You're not in Memphis until you're past security." Thanks, man. So after taking off my coat, shoes, taking the computer out of the bag, making sure I didn't crush the glass ornament from Vienna, I get to walk through security. Oh, but the iPod is still in the bag, so I had to go back and put it in its own big-ass container, and then all was peachy. Walking, walking, walking through the airport to baggage claim, I am ready to get out of there. Finally, I spot Wiley's dad, and then his stepmom, and then we get the bags. One ended up being 56 pounds, the other 42 or something like that. Do you think they checked in Munich? Nope! The agent even gave me the exit row seat from Munich to Amsterdam, but clearly he could tell I was as short as a tomato plant. See what a little smiling can do for you? Turn on the charm, peeps, I tell ya, it works wonders.

Blah blah blah....so onto Arkansas, where the wedding will be, and on Saturday we headed out around 8 am for some breakfast at the dining hall, then a meeting with people from said dining hall. Everything goes off without a hitch, and I breathe much easier because the hall is simply stunning. Hardly any decorations will be needed to spruce it up because nature is all around, and during fall, it's nature's time to shine...well, me too, but Nature is ok with that. After that meeting, we headed to Little Rock for some dress shopping. I am so good at the squat n' pray, I could do it all day. The owner of the shop helped me into these ginormous dresses. I put my hands up above my head in the prayer position, then hunkered down so she could get the dress over me. Some dresses looked awful, especially the ones where half your back can be seen because the dress is too small and can't be zipped up. That was slightly irritating, as you had to go out in front of strangers milling about, and all could see and comment. But I got the choices narrowed down, and that was that. Then it was off to talk to the florists, which was a bit of a let-down because they were no longer independent, so it seems I can get most flowers from them, but not all flowers. No big deal, just something to deal with. Then it was off to talk to the photographer, who I think is a doll. He has a really creative spirit, so I think we're going to get along just fine, and I'm excited to have him shoot the pictures. A little while after that, we went back to the hall to see how it was lit at night and to hear the music. The hall at night is spectacular. The fun thing is that there are floor to ceiling windows. During the ceremony, it'll be light, and during the dancing, it'll be dark. The lights illuminate the tables, and the whole effect reminds me of candlelight, so I was very happy. The next day was pretty quiet - I stayed home and talked to Wiley's stepsister about decorations and invitations. She is a whiz at scrapbooking and making cards, so we asked her if she'd be available and willing to make our invitations. She's a lot of fun to talk to because she can go a mile a minute and not get winded. And I can keep up!

Monday saw me leaving Arkansas, and of course, I got lost. I took a wrong turn on the bypass - but hey, when you want to go north, you follow the signs that say north! After an hour, I got a little worried that I hadn't hit the main highway yet, and sure enough, I goofed, but I was able to correct it pretty easily. I ended up going through Mountain View, which was one of the towns that got hit by the tornado. The fire station was gone, the hospital roof was gone, centuries-old trees were torn out by their roots and on their side....I've never seen such devastation, and it was creepy seeing just where the tornado's path was because everything else around it looked fine. So after winding my way around the hills in Arkansas, I finally made it to KC, where I got to see my Dixiebella kitty and see my friend Cara! The night was pretty uneventful. Tuesday was the day that I ran around all over the place...another dress shopping experience, where I finally decided on the dress I'm getting, and then over to talk to the jeweler about my ring. Guess what? The price of gold rose to $950 an ounce. Guess what that does to platinum? Makes the price of that go up too. In between his talking to Wiley and me, which was about a month, the price of platinum doubled. Doubled!!! But I was able to get the setting I wanted, and now he's looking at stones for me. Phew!

In between the dress and ring shopping, we stopped by Oak Park Mall to do a little browsing, and I realized, with a bit of horror, that I hate shopping with people when I'm shopping for something for myself. It was an awful realization. I used to enjoy shopping greatly, and yesterday I walked around Zona Rosa for just a bit to get a few things, but I don't want people with me now when I shop. Nor do I want to go for hours and hours. I think it's bizarre...perhaps it's culture shock.

Since then, things have slowed just a tiny bit. I seem to have caught the KC Cold, and if you've been reading me for awhile, then you know that I have a deviated septum that acted up in Sarajevo and am now terrified I'm going to get another sinus infection, so I try to keep it clear all the time. With a cold, that proves difficult. Sleep has been a little hard, but today I'm feeling better than I did yesterday.

Tomorrow I leave for the cold bitter north of Iowa to visit more friends and family. My eldest niece informed me she bought a house, so I'm very excited to see it. And I get to help her with the curtains! I will eat Maid-Rites, and we will go cheese curd hunting as well as shopping, which could be interesting, considering I don't like shopping with people...but that's really only for myself. So we'll see how that goes. So that's why I've been absent. But I see all of you have been writing away...I only had about 170 posts to read! Now I'm going to watch the Golden Girls and sip more tea and have something to eat. It's hard to eat when you have a cold. Nothing really sounds good.

Catching Up

I'm not even going to my Google Reader...I haven't read any blogs since Wednesday, and I'm sure you've all been pouring your hearts out on your blogs.

Me, I've been a travelin' gal.

Wiley and I spent last Monday through Friday in Munich. What a glorious city. The weather was great, the food spectacular, and the souvenirs plenty. Quick recap: went to a couple of castles Tuesday, shopped a bit on Wednesday (found more garam masala for Indian food, yay!), went to a soccer game on Thursday, and said our goodbyes on Friday. Wiley put up links to the castles, soccer and Munich to the right.

While I'm not a sports person (I'm way too competitive and not a good sport at times), I have to admit I had a good time at the soccer game. The ubahn ride to the stadium was fun - there were guys in kilts already drunk along with guys in red jerseys also drunk singing at the top of their lungs all crammed in like sardines in a car. But while waiting to get felt up by a woman, I noticed just. how. short. I. am. I really wish I was a bit taller. I felt like a midget.

Friday was a long day. I flew from Munich to Amsterdam and got grilled by security for not having documentation proving I lived in Sarajevo. "You have to have documentation to get back into the country," the blonde-haired woman yelled at me. "Where is your husband? Why isn't he with you? Where's your eticket to get back to Munich?" I was a bit flustered, and I worried that they were going to haul me off and interrogate me and make me miss my flight, but she finally let me go. Oi vey. The 10 hour flight from Amsterdam was a bit long, especially after 6 hours, but I arrived without any problems. Customs and baggage took almost an hour to get through after I landed. My iPod held up the line because I didn't take it out of my backpack. Normally, I feel bad for holding up the line, but by this time, I had been up for over 24 hours straight and I just wanted my bags and a bed. I finally got my wish and slept 6 hours before waking up.

Today was a fun-filled day of wedding planning, but I'm too tired to tell you about it. Suffice it to say, it involved strangers looking at me in wedding gowns that were not zipped all the way up, talking to the dining hall people about the reception, and meeting the photographer who had a black cat that was friendly. Now I must sleep again.

The Brain, It Goes

Well, we had our last meal tonight at the Sarajevo Brewery, and it was very tasty...curry and I really get along.

I've packed my suitcases. 44 pounds is all I get, so Wiley has to check a bag for me to get to Munich.

I had a strange dream last night...well, two. The first one involved my cat, Dixie, and she got lost, or killed. It was a very surreal dream, and I remember my heart racing, and that's what actually woke me up. It felt like there was an electric shock collar around my neck, and my heart just beat faster and faster and then I opened my eyes. Good thing - a minute longer and I would've started crying in my sleep, which would've brought Wiley running.

The other dream was a bit more pleasant, but no less odd. We were getting married, though not at the reception hall, but at something that looked like a church...all I really saw were the steps, and they were brown and carpeted. There were five of them, and then there was a landing, and then more steps on the left. Our officiant had been swapped out last minute, but they knew we were only going for a 10 minute ceremony. Well, someone forgot to tell all the people on those steps to the left who were breaking out into song like they were the creators of Jazz Hands, and they sang and sang and sang and sang. They even knew I didn't want them there, hadn't asked them to be there, and still they sang. One person in particular stood out - she was a short-haired, bright-blonde chick, and she had the biggest smile on her face. Then, because they were there singing at the wedding, they wanted $600 for dragging out the service an extra half-hour. I was furious. I stormed into the bathroom, only to look at myself in the mirror and notice that not only was my makeup missing, but my eyebrows were growing really long hair in the middle (think Borat but not quite as thick) and near my eyelids...like I had little patches of hair. Then, I noticed my dress. Gold velvet long-sleeved shirt on top. Skin-tight. Somewhat long, as it covered my azz and made it look huge. The skirt was red and lacey and fluffy, like something you'd see the chicks in the bordellos wearing. I think I may have even had on the black lace-up boots. I ran out of the bathroom crying, asking Wiley how he could let me be seen like this on my wedding day! Of course, being a guy, he was all, "Whaaaa?" and then I woke up. Don't think we ever got to say our I Do's, but I do remember handing him our rings to hold before I tried to get the show choir to stop.

I'd like to know what it was that I ate or took to have a dream that seems inspired by LSD.

No more eating after 7.

This Ain't Me.

NYT had an article about how bridezillas try to slim down before their big day. They use extreme techniques, like going on liquid diets and taking laxatives, and they buy dresses one to two sizes smaller than their normal dress size.

Nutters! That's what this is. I know I said I wanted to tone up and I could lose 5 or 10 pounds, but if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm at a healthy weight, and I'm ok with it. The article mentioned that most of the women want to lose 20 pounds. That doesn't seem like a lot, and if it can be done responsibly, like 1 or 2 pounds a week, then hooray. But yo-yoing just doesn't work, which is what will happen.

My question is, if you weren't already 20 pounds thinner, why do it? You'll forever have this picture of yourself at your thinnest and it will be a reminder for all your days that you're never going to be that thin again. You're just setting yourself up for a life of self-hatred. With all the low self-esteem issues people have today, why put yourself through that crap?

Now We're Getting Somewhere

I took a bit of a break from all the wedding hooplah, and today I'm back at it. Registering for gifts has been a bit of a chore...which stores do we choose? How do we know what we really need? We both have established households. Granted, mine is more extensive than Wiley's, but it should be - I haven't been in school most of my life. I don't want to register for things I know I won't use. Before we left, we tried to merge a few things. I got rid of a bed and a car. He got rid of some clothes. Fair trade. I decided that Kohl's, Bed, Bath and Beyond, and Target would be good places to register. All of them have websites and their storefronts are fairly accessible. But I have a problem with each.

First, Kohl's doesn't believe me when I fill in the counties that are related to the zip code. I went over this again and again, and each time, it told me I was an idiot. Cursing, I exited out of that and went to my registry to add items. I clicked on the items I'd already added, and lo and behold, for no apparent reason, most of my items are no longer available. Maybe I'll go back in again and try to add other items, but I was so frustrated, I said forget it for now.

Bed, Bath and Beyond tells me I'm getting married in Missouri because that's where my permanent address is. I mean, nobody these days has destination weddings or decides to get married in their soon-to-be spouse's hometown, do they? Pshah. So for people who will be looking at our registry there, don't be fooled - we're not getting married in Missouri.

I've actually found Target to be pretty useful, except that it's difficult to register for the little things. Since we love Doritos, we'll no doubt need some chip clips. But when I tried to find little gizmoy things like that, they weren't listed. However, I am not deterred. I will mess around with Target again.

My friends from my former job sent me a package with a bridal mag called Bridal Guide in it, and I found this online registry where you can register for anything from any store. I have struck gold. I've found things that while perhaps a little unorthodox, will certainly help make life easier. For instance, I found an avocado peeler. Talk about slippery little suckers. Gourmet coffee for Wiley and tea for me. Wiley scoffs a bit - "seems strange for a wedding gift" - but we are supposed to register for things we want and things we need. If we don't really need anything, then what's left? The wants!

Frenzied

How is it possible that I feel crunched for time when I have hardly anything to do but plan a small wedding that's not taking place for at least another 10 months?

I blame The Knot. I just get engaged, sign up on the site so I can start looking at wedding dresses, and already, I have a list of 180 things to do, and 17 of them are overdue. And some of them, I might add, are completely ridiculous.

But what has me up in arms at this present time is that when I clicked on the photo gallery of bridal hairstyles, all of these brides have something in common with each other that they don't share with me: they all have long hair.

Is it a sin to be a bride with short hair? Could you be just a little less homogenized and give me some pictures with short-haired brides, please, Knot? Sheesh.